i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
