I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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