hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
