My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
