why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
