That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
