Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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