I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
