Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
