I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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