I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
