I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
