How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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