the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
