I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
