I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
