We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
