Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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