How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
