Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
