do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
