Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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