I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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