we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
