Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
