i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
