grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
