listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
