Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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