we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
nutella sex= disaster
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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