Tell her she can't have a vagina
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
