I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
