I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
