There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
