my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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