Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My dick has a subreddit
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
