So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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