If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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