3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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