i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
