Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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