Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize