we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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