Just fell off a train. Bad.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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