btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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