did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
