Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
