I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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