Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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