i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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