So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
