I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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