Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
