I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
