how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
