none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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