My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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