I want to make a zoo with you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
