I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
did you just send me my own nude
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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