I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
