I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
