hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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