i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm too high and old for this...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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