In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
