I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's never too late to be topless.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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