I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
