if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They took my balls.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
