If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
