Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
