not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
