we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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