Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
