I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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