"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
