Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If that was your dad, he is hot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
