I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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