I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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