YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
